7 Struggles In Leadership Part 1

  I recently have been provided the opportunity to read several books and articles for Leadership Classes and Courses. Everyone seems to list the 7 Strengths, 7 Factors , 7 Attributes, 7 Hacks of Leadership. While all of that is great, the problem doesn't always lie within. By taking a quick gander at most top think tanks/leadership/companies we can see that there lies a large possibility there will be barriers some face significantly more than others, and that the idea of doing it your own way, is still a few designated paths. Each with the end being the agreed upon measure of success. As such none of them truly resonated with me, it is all the same regurgitation, they hold some value but still I have other struggles, ones that seem to form obstacles not always within my power to change and yet I am still held to them, even when we know and are validated by research that such paths are inherently built to reward a certain few. After much pondering and a due assignment or two I give you my 7 Struggles In Leadership.

I struggle to know what to wear to work. What is professional dress code?

What goes from board room to crime scene to death bed to 48 hour road trip to move a human trafficking victim to safety and back to State level government taskforce on Zoom, while off camera cleaning a death by suicide scene with team? And does it come in easy clean and go fabric, that doesn't feel like plastic? Does it allow me to still be relatable and safe for meetings in the jail? To hold space for 4 young children and their 22 year old mom living in domestic violence that just left it all, and believe me when I say, I get it? While also lending the air of authority and competence so the Lt Governor or CEO listen? Could I still look fresh at the end of the day?

Is there a website or Pinterest board for that? Did I miss that filter or sort option on the latest shopping app? Is there some peer reviewed site that provides critiques from brands on this? How does one look the part, when one does so many parts, many of them messy and not discussed in polite American society?

Which brings me to my next struggle point. 

What do I say when asked in typical board room settings the lovely ice breakers: What's that smell? Didn't have on other outfit today? How was your morning, do anything interesting over the weekend or my favorite what's in your bag? 

 All my answers seem lead to awkward silence or uncomfortable throat clearing. Apparently oh I got body fluids on last set and probably bleach. I can't quite figure out how to say, my morning was a walk in the footsteps of the human experience in ways that don't seem to make some flinch or try to make some fake positive spin on trauma and death. Also can we define "interesting", because my 5 minute take on the amazingness of the maggots happening in wound care, juxtaposed with the in-depth policy discussion around licensing of behavioral health providers ,while giving space for the chaos of a  traumatized young adult, who has decided they are member of the lupine family and need to groom in midst of office doesn't seem to hold same level of "interesting" to others. Oh hell,  my bag,  let's see: Narcan, Fentanyl testing strips, condoms, sample size lube, flashlight, Gerber, 2 knifes, Vibrator (post trauma intimacy class), First Aide kit, DuckTape, expired SANE exam kit for training, plethora of cords and chargers (including a hand crank, solar one) hard candies, 2 types of gummies, receipts for last 8 months I swore I was going to file, Spearmint gum,3 fidget toys, 5 flavors of chap stick (various stages of melted to solid state), room temp caffeine, Adderall, Kleenex, Clorox Wipes, medical gloves, umbilical cord clamp, an expired bag of crackers crushed to powder, with a slow leak in the abys (could also be my bag of give a fucks) at the bottom, diapers (my youngest has been pottery trained for 6 years) ,8 colors of Post its, 4 books, 3 notebooks, few crystals, matches and 24 pens, 8 being the good Sharpie ones. Finally, something in a Ziplock bag my 7 yr old needed to keep safe, that I can no longer identify, but still must keep.  Oh, wait, a tooth ,the fairy has forgotten for the 5th night in a row.  The wide eyes and tidy leather satchels clutched over looking back at me, scream in fish gulps, we are not the same, I am not "normal", I try to remind myself I am not appliance but an actual human, so it is unneeded cycle for me. 

I am a full spectrum human, with thoughts, ideas, goals and expertise outside of the life my womb has held and expelled. But apparently  that particular function of my anatomy supersedes and overrides all others. 

How does one handle the Motherhood struggle?...............