7 Struggles in Leadership Part 2

 I struggle with the Schmooze and Booze culture of corporate leadership.

I know you were expecting motherhood, but that struggle takes a lot and I am not ready to go there. 

So back to schmooze and booze.

 I daily live in and direct work in victim advocacy, behavioral health crisis, detox and recovery. This includes domestic violence, child abuse and neglect, sex assault, homicide, suicide, DUIs, overdoses, mental health olds and human trafficking. I delve and report findings  in research and statistics, that discuss the population health concerns, public health crises and individual trauma and destruction from our cultural norms and  accepted social practices. I am expected to advocate for change, lead programs and awareness, protect children and youth from these harms. 

Except when it is time to network, team build, "retreat", raise funds, celebrate, close the deal. Do these events take place in some paradoxical universe? Some plane of existence occurs here that nullifies harm? Oh wait, maybe these people are not affected by the same issues as others, ummm nope, they are not a statistical anomaly. What is being asked is for the sake of the comfortableness of power, and pocketbooks we pretend no harm, no foul. That some harm is worth it. That some humans are expendable for the greater cause. 

I haven't quite gotten the hang of it yet, so I don't go to our tables, don't use our tickets, and I don't schmooze. Is there some sort of 12 step for this? Was it the red or the blue pill I was suppose to take? Did I miss the memo for immunizations for conscience,  to turn away from acts against humanity? Is there a course to take to suppress the urge to rage scream over the hypocrisy? Can I get EPA to pay for the EMDR to forget the smell of Sauvage eau de toiliette, Grey Goose martinis, my own regret and a victim's tears?

This dichotomy of expected existence is not serving my ability to navigate next level leadership, and creates more struggles.

The idea of balance. Some how in Leadership there is this perceived expectation of balance. The binary value teeter totter of work-home balance. Does everyone else have their life measured into 2 buckets, same handles and size? No matter the dilemma or constraint, it is just two, equally met decisions. That each balance has equal risk, reward, stake in the equation and we can just compromise til we find happy medium? I struggle deeply. 

I don't get it, I have 5 buckets all mixed and matched (2 were just left here, 1 a kid brought home). 3 cups (2 with cracks and probably 14 missing in kids rooms), 21 mugs (8 chipped rims, 3 were gifts, but there are cute). A large jug, someone else discarded as junk but its beautiful, and I don't use it to hold anything. 3 of those cool cups with lids and straws but I have misplaced the lids (probably ran off with tupperware and right shoes) and straws got chewed or melted in dishwasher, but still useable. A large pool with assortment of flex tapped leaks, yet it still brings joy, none of which is seeming to support any balance. I seem to have traded a teeter totter for river. One with rapids, large boulders, a whirlpool or two and waterfalls. Is it wrong to just seek flow? Can I  manage the fast and slow, step out when it is death, trade a floatie for a kayak, push and pull, move with ebbs and tides, take photos of the waterfall instead of trying to balance it with a teacup? Maybe the possibility exists that I don't need the binary one or other, but instead get a full spectrum of options, experiences, shifts and capacity? One where I let all the containers hold value? Ones where I hope I supporting others filling their own cups and I am not hogging the water with my buckets? Maybe that bucket gets set down and doesn't need to be part of this season? Maybe even filling someone else's instead of another of my own.

Shit, I forgot to turn off the hose, be right back....